By Beverly Veilleux

Hi, my name is Beverly Veilleux, and I am the mother of two daughters.  Both my two daughters are invincible, nothing will ever happen to them, you only read in the newspaper about other teenagers, it won't happen to us.  Sound familiar?  I stand before you today to tell you it CAN happen to you.  Renee my youngest is a junior at OTHS and is 18 yrs old.  Jamie my oldest WAS a junior at OTHS, and at 17 died in a car accident, due to driver inexperience. Alcohol or drugs were not involved, but in too many cases it is the cause, as well as driver inexperience and speed.   

Losing your child is the worse nightmare anyone can live through, but it does happen to many people.  As parents we can try to teach our children about the importance of driving safely, and whom you ride with.  As parents we can limit our children driving time, how many kids they have in the car etc.  On October 31,  1996 my life was changed forever.  Jamie was not a girl who got a chance to ride around with friends all the time. She had only got her license on October 25, she never got the chance to drive alone, she got her permit in Aug  1995 at age 16, we made her drive for 1 year to get more experience.  We did not push her to get her license and a car right away, it wasn't necessary, I did not mind taking her where ever she needed to go.  That included driving from Bangor on my lunch hour to take her 2 miles to work and then drive back to work.  I still do this for Renee. Yep it is a pain, but I know that she is safe.  The night before she died she asked if she could start going with her friends, they did,  so why couldn't she.  I told her we were afraid something would happen to her.  She told me not to worry she would be fine, nothing would happen to her, I told her yeah your right.  But I also said if anything did happen you would not know only we would be left to live the rest of our lives without her.  And I am sure everyone of you kids leave your house thinking that whatever you do it will be ok you will come home again.  Well please don't believe that, you must always be on your guard for the other driver, and you as a driver must not do the stupid stuff.  If you start driving too fast and the other kids in the car tell you to slow down, do so, they don't want to get seriously hurt or die anymore than you.  Sometimes when you make a choice you have to live with the circumstances, there is no going back to correct the mistake you made.  As for instance in Jamie's case, she went to school and then to work and called to ask if she could go to the Haunted House in Kenduskeag, I thought about it and said ok, be home early, be careful.  

She never returned, I never saw her alive again.  The driver was inexperienced, all three kids wore their seat belts it saved 2 lives but didn't save Jamie's.  The driver swerved to avoid a deer, maybe driving too fast, a wrong judgment, she did not have enough driving time she had got her permit then just got her license.  This driver made a wrong choice it caused the life of another, she can't go back and undo the wrong.  So really think about what you are doing each time you get behind the wheel, it is not only your life in your hands but others around you and in other cars as well.  Believe me you don't want to have to live the rest of your lives the way that Jamie's driver has to.  For the parents, it is terrible, it is the worst nightmare that I never want anyone else to ever have to go thru, but unfortunately there will be others.  Your future is gone.  

For four days we were in shock , they tell me that is how you get through everything, most of the calling hours and funeral are a blur, still are, some things I remember some things I don't.  You don't want to watch the news they have a field day with news like this, pictures of your son or daughter are displayed on TV they show the accident scene, it is unbearable, you try to function, but the media keeps bringing it up, you have no peace.   You don't eat, you don't sleep, your lucky if you cry, they call this clinical shock.  You get through all the preparations calling hours, funeral, people coming over.  Then it all stops after the funeral you are all alone.  Then begins your life without your child, your life has changed your plans are gone you have nothing left, the future you had planned gone, your life is now going down a different road, you're alone, you can't get out of bed, you can't face another day without them, you go back to work after a short or long time, unable to concentrate, everything reminds you of them, you cry everyday, you either overeat or don't eat at all, you really don't care about anything, nothing seems to matter anymore, the other members in your family are grieving too but you don't notice them, you don't even notice that they need you too, or that they stay all day alone in their rooms, you don't laugh or smile anymore, you don't want to go anywhere, no more movies, no more anything, you could care less whether you pay your bills or not, you start to lose faith.  

Sometimes you still set their place at the table, you start to believe that maybe they have just run away, so you expect when the phone rings it is them asking to come home. Coming home after work or anytime is terrible they are not there, but being away is just as hard, everything about them is at the house you can't wait to get home.  You really don't care about anything, nothing is safe anymore, you realize that in a blink of an eye someone can be gone, and you never got a chance to say goodbye.  And that is the truth it only takes a second and then someone could be gone, don't think for one minute that your children are invincible, if you do then you are living in a fantasy world.   Once they are gone it is unbearable, all things that you forgot to say, you don't have another chance, you can't tell them they can't hear you. You will also never hear  I Love You again, a kiss on the cheek or a hug, you even start to forget what their voice sounds like.  You start asking why, why did this happen you don't understand.   I even went into church one evening late and yelled at God for doing this to my family, you blame everyone around that you can think of including God.  Then you blame yourself, you don't remember the good times, only the bad times, the fights you had, why couldn't you have been a better parent.  People don't even mention your child's name anymore, you find that unbearable, you're afraid people will forget about your child.  

All this and more continues for a year, maybe even longer, holidays are unbearable.  Your friends tell you to get on with your life, you lose good friends they no longer want to deal with you anymore, you are not the same person. You have changed.  After a year goes by you begin to partially live again, but you never forget, you start to remember some of the good times, but you still blame yourself, you have changed you will never be the person you were before their death.  As for your immediate family members, yep they are still there, now you start to hang on to them they are all you have left.  If you have another child you become overprotective. You start to realize that they need you too, but people grieve differently, you now try to make up for all the lost time, when they needed you, and you probably really needed them as well, but your life was to revolved around the child you lost.  You start to accept their death and bring the child that was left back into your circle of thinking, hoping that you can heal any wounds you may have caused by pushing them away.   Your old friends are still gone,  so you try to find new friends, you start to reach out to people in similar instances, they understand, they know what you are going through.   You may still have not even gone back to church, it hurts to much.  Some days you cry some days you do not.  But you never forget anything and everything reminds you of them.

I am glad that today is only any exercise this is not a real funeral, there were as many people at Jamie's funeral as there is here today, over 500.   You parents that had to write an obituary I am glad for you that also is not real, it is one of the most terrible things I had to write I forgot things that I should have said.   

As parents we can protect our kids, limit their time with inexperienced drivers, keep track of where they go, have them call you if plans change, teach them about driving responsibly.  Most of the kids here today either have their permit or license, if you are on your permit, don't just do the required 35 hours, drive longer get behind the wheel all the time, get all the experience that you can it will make you more responsible, also will teach you more things, in those 35 hours not all the circumstances will pop up, so the longer you drive that more things will come along to teach you how to handle that situation.  As for you drivers, don't just get in the car to ride around, have a place that you need to go to.  If you drive to school stay at school, I know some of you run up to McDonalds, Dunkin Donuts etc, because I see cars with kids in them at these places, I am also sure your parents don't know that you are driving around in the morning before school.   So if you must make these stops ask for permission first, we just want to know where you are.  If you do go out at night if your plans change, call home tell someone, it is also nice that you call when you get where you are going and when you leave to come home.  Parents should make this a requirement if you are to take the car.  I can also go out into the parking lot right now and pick out dozen cars that I have seen doing stupid stuff, and yes I know which ones of you are the drivers of those cars.  I will tell you if it were my daughter driving stupid, I would hope that someone would call me and tell me, so that I can explain again the importance of driving safely.  I am sure some of you are thinking this is stupid, well let me assure you I want to know because If I think my daughter has gone to the mall and here that there is a car accident in Brewer, then I can rest easy until she comes home she is not in Brewer, but on the other hand if she did not call me to tell me her plans changed and she was going to Brewer, it will be quite a terrible shock to have the Police knock at your door.  I knew that Jamie was going to the Haunted House and she was on her way home, what I didn't know was the route or when she left Kenduskeag, so I was calling everyone I knew to see if they had seen her and which way would they have gone.  

Every time you get behind the wheel you are put at risk. We don't want your safety or the safety of others jeopardized in any way.  Parents you can still take your kids places, yea maybe you have to do a little extra driving but isn't it worth it, show your kids you care about them,  remember they are not invincible it does happen, and it will happen again.  Tell them that you love them and that is why you are limiting their driving time.  I would rather have my daughter call me to tell me to pick her up even if it is 2:00 in the morning.  I would not want to see her ever get in the car with an irresponsible teenager it could mean her life.  Be more involved with your children lives, protect them , remember you only have them once, once they are gone you can not undo any problems or choices  you may have made.  You don't get a second chance.

For you kids here you are either junior or seniors I want all of you to graduate, have a career, get married have a family of your own, and once you have your own kids you will understand why your parents do what they do, cause you will do the same steps.  Jamie will never have the future; her future is gone, but you can change your future, you can start today, you can change the way you drive, slow down, don't be in such a hurry your only going to get 5 extra minutes anyway is it worth it, don't ride with kids that are irresponsible, and never drink and drive there is no future for you at all if you do that.   It is OK to ask your mom or dad I am sure they are more than willing to take you where you need to go, and if your parents are that unwilling to take you somewhere call me, I'll do it, parents sometimes get too involved with there own lives and personal problems that they forget their kids who need them.  

I also have come to realize that if it was not for my faith in God I would never have made it all this time after losing Jamie, God has helped me to deal and to stay strong for myself & my family.  This also was very hard for me to speak today these things are very personal and private, but if I can make a difference in one life than great, our kids are our future, lets protect that, it is all we have.

Thank you and God Bless.